What is the first thing you think of when
you hear the words Mishloach Manot (Purim gifts of food)?
I have a whole rush of memories of little
bottles of grape juice, baskets in cellophane, Purim day delivery runs, and going
through baskets looking for the “good stuff” while tossing aside whatever I
didn’t like. The Mishloach Manot operation
(or as we call it – Shaloch Manos) was truly a highlight of Purim. It’s not the same anymore when there are
projects for which you check off names, and receive one big basket (no matter
how nice it is).
The Rambam teaches (Laws of Megillat Esther
2:15) that it is praiseworthy to send more Mishloach Manot than the obligatory
gift to one friend. At the same time, he
writes (2:17):
One should rather spend more money on gifts to
the poor than on his Purim banquet and presents to his friends. No joy is
greater and more glorious than the joy of gladdening the hearts of the poor,
the orphans, the widows, and the strangers…
While the Rambam is absolutely right that
helping those in need far outweighs giving more food to friends, I am convinced
that, today, we need more Mishloach Manot.
The source of the mitzvah of Mishloach
Manot is Esther 9:19:
וּמִשְׁלוֹחַ מָנוֹת אִישׁ לְרֵעֵהוּ
Send portions of food from one friend to another.
The verse states that portions of food
(plural) must be sent from one friend to another. From here, we learn the familiar requirement
of sending two kinds of food to, at least, one person. (The need for the foods to be different
blessings is actually not required.)
We might be done with this mitzvah except
for the fact that there is an interesting halakhic debate whether the primary
purpose of the mitzvah is on the Mishloach Manot, sending the food, or whether
the mitzvah focuses on Ish L’Ray-ay-hoo, the friendship between the sender and
recipient.
What difference does it make? Actually, quite a bit.
If the mitzvah is all about the food,
what happens if the recipient doesn’t like the food in the package? If it’s about friendship, does the food even
matter? Or my favorite technicality: If Mishloach
Manot is all about the food, then if I receive food but don’t know who it’s
from, the mitzvah is fulfilled. If it’s
about creating feelings of friendship, then there is no mitzvah if the sender
cannot be identified.
Which is more important?
I like a nice Purim treat as much as the
next person, but, today, we need much more focus on friendship.
The Rambam is correct. We don’t need to go overboard on Mishloach
Manot - sending gifts of food to friends.
Yet, we do need a lot more Ish L’Ray-ay-hoo – we need to increase as
much as we possibly can the feelings of friendship between people.
It’s getting nasty out there.
A recent
column quoted a study
that found that just over 42% of the people in each party view the opposition
as “downright evil.” This suggests that 48.8
million voters out of the 136.7 million who cast ballots in 2016 believe that
members of opposition party are in league with the devil. Furthermore, some 20% of Democrats (that’s 12.6
million voters) and 16% of Republicans (7.9 million voters) do think on
occasion that the country would be better off if large numbers of the
opposition died.
It’s getting really nasty out there.
We need more Mishloach Manot.
We need more gestures of friendship,
kindness, and civility. We need more
exchanges of ideas, opinions, and thoughts that don’t devolve into
arguments. We need more opportunities to
tone down the very real differences that divide us and gather around a cup of
coffee or a meal and find the many things that we do share.
Purim is all about our encounter with
others. We read the Megillah in
public. We gather around the table with
others for the Seudah (festive meal). We
give gifts of food to others, and we share with others in need.
All of Purim is a timely reminder of the
need to be strict about Ish L’Ray-ay-hoo – creating genuine bonds between
people – even those with whom we have less in common or disagree.
Happy Purim!
