Listen to Your Yeitzer Ha-Ra

It is a mitzvah like no other.

“If you go out to war against your enemies, and the Lord, your God, will deliver them into your hands, and take captives. And you see among the captives a beautiful woman, and you desire her. You may take her as a wife.” (Devarim 21:10-11)

This is the mitzvah of eishet yefat to’ar, the captive bride, Mitzvah #532 in the Sefer Ha-Chinuch.

Really?! It is true that there are very specific guidelines attached to the permissibility of such a captive bride, and the Sages struggle to explain the order of events. No one is encouraging such an eventuality, but the very possibility raises eyebrows. Does this treatment of captives correspond to the Torah’s moral code? Should a vanquished woman be forced to marry her captor against her will? It is a strange mitzvah indeed.

The traditional response to these questions is found in Kiddushin 21b: “Lo dibra Torah ela k’neged yetzer ha-ra – the Torah is relating in this situation to a person’s evil inclination.” In effect, expected behavior takes a back seat to desire. How can this be?! As Rabbi Yair Kahn of Yeshivat Har Etzion puts it:

“Isn’t the Torah a blueprint for the redemption of man? Isn’t the purpose of the mitzvoth to help the individual control their desires and lead a moral life? Wouldn’t it be more appropriate for the Torah to encourage one who encounters the beautiful captive to overcome the carnal desire? Why do our Sages suggest that the Torah allows us to give in?”

Lo dibra Torah ela k’neged yetzer ha-ra recognizes the reality of human frailty.

We are human beings. Permission to marry the captive bride is an accommodation to human weakness. It is a singular acknowledgment that our desires can get the better of us.

At the same time, it comes with a warning. No good comes out of this union. The Talmud states that marrying the yefat to’ar will lead to a dysfunctional family and, ultimately, a ben sorer u’moreh, the rebellious child. We are warned about the danger, but it is still allowed. Why? The dangers serve as motivation to fight even if technically we are allowed to give in.

Rabbi Michael Rosensweig of Yeshiva University writes:

“[T]he Torah communicates through the halachot of yefat toar that one must strive mightily to maintain halachic standards and perspective even in the most challenging environments and circumstances. While conceding man's spiritual frailty… our ultimate goal is to attain authentic kedushah (holiness)…”

Sometimes, we may grudgingly listen to our yetzer ha-ra and give in to our desires. It may be allowed, but it is not ideal. It is the exception that is meant to guide us back to following the rules.

The captive bride demonstrates the very real struggle of being human. We know what we are supposed to do. Sometimes, we face temptation. Ideally, we resist. We understand there are limits. There may also be consequences. But…sometimes the desire is too strong, and we transgress. Hopefully, we do better next time.

This is the “conversation of the evil inclination” the Torah describes with this episode.

OK. We’re human. We struggle. We make mistakes. We fall, and we get back up again. Why teach this lesson specifically using the eishet yefat to’ar? The details of the captive bride are mind boggling. After all the explanations, one word still comes to my mind: Really?!? How would we respond to a real-life implementation of this mitzvah. Even if it could not happen today, I have always wondered if such a case was ever confronted. Let’s say it happened. How would we respond? I know how I would respond: That’s preposterous!

Eishet yefat to’ar is presented as a cautionary tale that no sin should be unfathomable. Lo dibra Torah ela k’neged yetzer ha-ra. The evil inclination is real, and sometimes it wins. Do not be surprised by what people are capable of doing. 

Our contemporary reality proves this. This past year, we have witnessed the pure evil of innocents slaughtered and ripped from their families. We have seen American students wave Hamas flags. We have seen supposed friends and allies refuse to acknowledge the crimes committed against the innocent. The Torah warned us about this. The yetzer ha-ra is evil. We ignore ours – and its power over others – at our own peril.

Listening to the yetzer ha-ra is relevant as the High Holidays approach, and we are tasked with reflecting on our actions and decisions. The sins we see or hear about or commit are reminders and cautionary tales of how easy it is for anyone to act in surprisingly terrible ways. If eishet yefat to’ar can occur, how much more so, must we pay attention to the mistakes we are capable of and those made by others.

Let’s listen to the yetzer ha-ra. Just as heeding it can be responsible for unfathomable mistakes and lows, taking heed and acting positively can propel us and those around us to unfathomable heights in the coming New Year.