The Weekly Phronesis: It’s Not Good to be Alone

Are you familiar with the word “phronesis?” It’s an ancient Greek term that translates into English as practical value or practical wisdom. It’s a type of knowledge relevant to practical action. We look to the Torah for wisdom and inspiration. We are also on the lookout for action. In the coming year, I hope to share some weekly phronesis. Each week, we’ll look at one phrase from the parsha, analyze its relevance, and find ways for it to be a catalyst for action. 

 

“It is not good for humans to be alone.” (Bereishit 2:18) 

We all know what comes next. Adam needs a partner, Chava is created, and, while they don’t live happily ever after, we learn about the essential need for companionship, family, and continuity. Human beings are meant to forge relationships. 

 

This verse teaches us two important lessons:

 

1. Loneliness is part of the human condition.
2. There are important steps to be taken to combat loneliness.

 

Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik put it best in Lonely Man of Faith (pp. 4-5):

“I am lonely because, in my humble, inadequate way, I am a man of faith for whom to be means to believe…Apparently, in this role as a man of faith, I must experience a sense of loneliness which is of a compound nature.”

 

The Rav describes having friends and family, yet still feeling lonely. It is an existential loneliness, a realization that we need to strive to move beyond our current condition. There is always a deeper level of faith or knowledge to explore. There is always a role we can play in relation to others. We are lonely. That is a fact, yet it is one that can be mitigated or even transcended. 

 

Loneliness may be our default setting, but there are things we can do with out loneliness. The Torah describes a relationship and family as one model of the solution. Companionship, family, progeny, and continuity all add layers onto a person’s solitary existence. There is, however, no one size fits all formula out of loneliness. Each person will need to navigate their own path out of loneliness.

 

Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, the late Lubavitcher Rebbe, wrote a letter to a young person who complained of feeling lonely while studying away from home. The Rebbe encouraged the student to take the bull by the horns and to proactively seek out friends. He invoked the teaching of Yehoshua ben Perachiah (Avot 1:6) to “acquire a friend.” One might find companionship without effort, but, when one feels lonely, get out there and connect with someone else. 

It is not good to be alone. At the same time, our loneliness may be the characteristic that motivates us to be more than we currently are. If we don’t have someone to connect to, create the opportunity to connect with others. Call a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. Reach out to a shul member you don’t know. Volunteer with an organization that matches people with those who can use a call or visit. Our awareness that loneliness exists coupled with the commitment to ease it for ourselves and others is exactly how we fulfill our role in creation.