Just One Shabbos!

 

It’s a classic! I listened to the Mordechai Ben David song “Just One Shabbos” in my youth. My kids sang it in school. I imagine some of you are now singing it in your heads.

The lyrics tells the story of the transformative power of Shabbat. The chorus of “Just one Shabbos, and we’ll all be free!” invokes the Rabbinic teaching (Jerusalem Talmud Ta’anit 1:1): “If Israel would keep one Shabbat properly, David’s son (Moshiach) would immediately come.” This statement is the motivation for initiatives like Shabbat Across America, The Shabbat Project, and other efforts to encourage more Jews to experience and observe Shabbat. It’s a beautiful thing and might just bring the redemption.

While I am a big fan of large Shabbat gatherings, I am not so sure we’ll get all Israel to keep Shabbat together. I understand the statement as a call for each of us to make Shabbat the best we possibly can.

During this time of year, we review of our past actions, recognize our mistakes, repent, and resolve to do better. Sounds simple enough, but it can be quite a tall order. Where do we start? On what should we focus?

Rav Yehuda Amital, the late Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshivat Har Etzion, suggested we keep it simple. In his inimitable wisdom, he said we should focus on three things.

1. Identify and focus on the mitzvah or aveirah, the good actions or challenges, with which we struggle most.

2. Choose a mitzvah we enjoy and build upon it. It might be prayer, minyan attendance, blessings, or volunteering. Add something to something at which we already are succeeding.

3. Everyone should focus on Shabbat and find a way to enhance it. Attend services in shul, invite guests, add zemirot (songs) or a Dvar Torah to the meal. Each of us can make the Shabbat experience just a little better and more meaningful.

This is the first Shabbat of 5783. The year ahead may not see all Israel observe “Just One Shabbos” together, but it can definitely be the year we take our Shabbat and find “just one way” to make it – and our entire year – more exalted, liberating, and meaningful.

Let's Not Forget What We Did Right

 

We are entering a season of confession. Starting with Selichot, we will confess dozens of times before Yom Kippur ends. Parshat Ki Tavo contains a unique type of confession.

“Asiti k’chol asher tzivitani - I have acted according to everything that You commanded me.” (Devarim 26:15)

This verse is part of the confession which is recited when one turns over the tithes to their rightful recipients. Why are we commanded to confess to doing the right thing? Confession is usually associated with making amends for mistakes!

Often, we feel improving means to admit mistakes and talk about what went wrong. The only way to move forward and grow is by admitting and overcoming the mistakes of the past. The lesson of this different confession is that we need to confess what goes right as well. Of course, we must own up to our mistakes and shortcomings. We also need to admit that some things, indeed, are going well. During this season of reflection, we tend to be overly focused on the mistakes, but we need to also remember the good things. This can encourage and inspire us to be even better.

It makes sense that we associate confession with the negative. Often, that is our default setting. Judaism asks us to transcend that default setting. Add a little joy to the reflection and repentance. Rabbi Jonathan Sacks quotes Soren Kierkegaard, who wrote, “It takes moral courage to grieve; it takes religious courage to rejoice.” I know there is plenty of guilt and contrition this time of year – and that’s not all bad. At the same time, let’s not forget what we did right and feel pride and joy over what we accomplished.

During the High Holidays, the verse that stands out for me is “Gilu bi’re’adah – rejoice while trembling.” (Psalm 2) Judaism is a religion of joy. We must declare that we can overcome obstacles and transcend limitations. It need not be easy, but it is always possible.

Let’s confess. Let’s confess to what needs fixing. Let’s also confess to what works while striving for what is possible.

Carry On Wayward Son

Whenever I hear the song by Kansas, I think of the ben sorer u’moreh, the rebellious child. While the song is not religious and the lyrics have nothing to do with the Torah’s account, I just feel that “wayward” is a better way to describe the child than rebellious, and I like the music.

The text (Devarim 21:18-21) does not provide very many details. There is a child not listening to their parents. The parents discipline the child to no avail. They tell the elders that the child is disobedient as well as a glutton and drunkard, and the child is executed by stoning as a cautionary tale. If this sounds strange, the Talmud (Sanhedrin 71a) delves more deeply into detailed conditions so unlikely that there never was such a case. Why, then, does the Torah teach it?

D’rosh v’kabel s’char – We are to study this issue and be rewarded with the lessons we learn from this exploration.

What lesson? Essentially, the ben sorer u’moreh scenario highlights the importance of moderation, discipline, and communication. These are key ingredients in parenting as well as any relationship.

The Talmud (Sanhedrin 88a) teaches that if the parents forgive their rebellious child, then the child is forgiven, and no punishment is meted out. Rabbi Shmuel Borenstein, in his Shem Mi’Shmuel, asks a very fundamental question. We are ready to execute the rebellious child for his sins even if – let’s be honest – they’re not so terrible. We are so worried about what the child will ultimately become that we take drastic, preventative action. And you want to tell me that if the parents are willing to excuse and forgive their child that he is now off the hook?! That’s ridiculous! What role should parents’ forgiveness play in such a case? If the situation is so dire that we’re ready to execute the child, it would seem like we’re well past parental forgiveness.

Rabbi Borenstein explains that the ben sorer u’moreh is executed because of what he may become only when he has no positive parental influence. If, however, he has parents who are willing to forgive, this demonstrates that all is not yet lost. Ben sorer u’moreh may not be a realistic scenario, but it teaches a positive influence and a caring relationship can make all the difference.

A boy from Bnei Brak strayed from his religious upbringing and became engaged to a non-Jewish girl. His cousin was quite upset but was unable to convince him to break off the engagement. He did, however, convince him that he should break the news to his parents in person. He agreed and told his parents he was coming home for Shabbat, but they shouldn’t expect him to observe Shabbat just because he was coming home. He did his own thing – listened to his music, smoked on the porch. He planned to break the news after Shabbat. 

On Shabbat afternoon, his father invited him to join him for a shiur given by Rabbi Aharon Leib Shteinman, one of the leading rabbis of the community. Surprisingly, the son agreed to go. Afterwards, they approached Rav Shteinman to say good Shabbos, and the father informed the rabbi that, unfortunately, his son is no longer observant.

Rav Shteinman looked at the young man and asked, “How long has it been since you were observant?” He answered, “Two years.”

“And during that time, did you ever think about repenting?”

"Yes. Four times."

“How long did these thoughts last?”

“Approximately 10 minutes each time.”

“Ah. This means that for 40 minutes over the last 2 years you would be considered a bal teshuvah, a penitent person, who is on a higher spiritual level than even the righteous. I am envious of your spiritual level. Good Shabbos.”

The young man went back home, and Rav Shteinman's words left him no peace. He ultimately broke off his engagement and began to return to tradition.

But why did this young man agree to go with his father to Rav Shteinman’s class in the first place?

He answered by recounting a story from fourth grade.

“My class went to be tested by Rav Shteinman. Our teacher requested that the rabbi ask the boys easy questions so they would be able to answer. That’s what happened. The rabbi asked each boy an easy question, and they each answered and received a candy as a reward. The rabbi asked me a question, and I didn’t know the answer. This happened a second and third time, but I still didn’t know the answer. I was the only boy without a candy. As we were leaving, Rav Shteinman called me over and said, ‘In Torah and Judaism, we reward effort, not results. Your fellow students put in effort for one question, so they got one candy. You tried three times, so I am giving you three candies.’

“That interaction in fourth grade is why I went to Rav Shteinman’s class with my father.”

A genuine, engaged, caring relationship can make all the difference. It might save the ben sorer u’moreh from death. It might lead someone back into the fold. It helps each of us carry on.

E-L-U-L: Putting the Pieces Together

 

We all know about the E-L-U-L acronym, a verse that has words beginning with א-ל-ו-ל that can teach us how to utilize Elul as a month of preparation for the High Holidays.

The most famous is “Ani L’dodi V’dodi Li – I am for my beloved, and my beloved is for me.” (Shir Hashirim 6:3) Elul is a time for recapturing a close, loving relationship with God.

A lesser-known acronym is: “Ish L’rei’ay’hu U’matanot La’evyonim - One gives a gift to another and charity for the poor.” (Esther 9:22) While the verse speaks about the obligations of Purim, it also teaches us the importance of establishing and strengthening generous relationships with others. Our High Holiday preparations must focus on people and not just on God.

Here’s an acronym I bet nobody has heard of. Rabbi Natan Nata Spira, a 17^th century Kabbalist, writes that the letters of Elul stand for “Aron Luchot Ve-shivrei Luchot – the ark, the tablets, and the broken tablets.”

The Sages teach these three holy objects were kept together. Why were the broken tablets kept together with the new set of whole ones in the Ark? The lesson is that future accomplishment does not negate the mistakes of the past. We are who we are because of all the things we did to get to this point – the good and the not so good. This powerful symbolism is a timely reminder that, no matter our mistakes – or maybe because of them, we have the ability to put the pieces back together in the coming year.

John Roedel is a comic who became well-known as a writer and poet through his heartfelt Facebook conversations that went viral and became a best-selling book titled, “Hey God. Hey John.” Here is one of his poems.

Me:  Hi God
God:  Hello, my love
Me:  I'm falling apart. Can you put me back together?
God:  I would rather not
Me:  Why?
God:  Because you aren't a puzzle
Me:  What about all the pieces of my life that are falling down onto the ground?
God:  Let them stay there for a while. They fell off for a reason. Take some time to decide if you need any of those pieces back
Me:  You don't understand! I'm breaking down!
God:  No! You don't understand. You are breaking through. What you feel are just growing pains. You are shredding the things and the people in your life that are holding you back. You aren't falling apart. You are falling into place. Relax. Take some deep breaths, and allow those things that you don't need anymore to fall off of you. Quit holding onto the pieces that don't fit you anymore. Let them fall off. Let them go.
Me:  Once I start doing that what will left of me?
God:  Only the very best pieces of you.
Me:  I'm scared of changing.
God:  I keep telling you - YOU AREN'T CHANGING. YOU ARE BECOMING!
Me:  Becoming who?
God:  Becoming who I created you to be! A person of light and love and charity and hope and courage and mercy and joy and mercy and grace and compassion. I made you for more than the shallow pieces you have decided to adorn yourself. With that you cling to with such greed and fear. Let those things fall off of you. I love you! Don't change! Become! Become! Become who I made you to be. I'm going to keep telling you this until you remember it.
Me:  There goes another piece
G0d:  So let it be
Me:  So...I'm not broken?
God:  No, but you are breaking like dawn. It's a new day, a day of becoming. Become! Become.

There are lots of ways to prepare for the High Holidays, many messages our tradition gives us. While we strive to improve and correct, let’s also examine the many pieces that make us who we are and find the best way to put them together. Like any puzzle, it requires patience and may even get a little frustrating. When all is said and done, though, we need to fit them all together to create the finished product.