Living with Lavan

 

עִם־לָבָן גַּרְתִּי – I lived with Lavan (Bereishit 32:5) 

Yaakov, looking to settle down after 22 years away, sends emissaries out to find out what is going on with Esav. Among the messages and gestures, he instructs the envoys to deliver a message of “I was living with Lavan.” What does this tell Esav? What does this teach us?

One explanation quoted by Rashi put the emphasis on the word “garti,” which has the root of stranger or temporary resident. Yaakov wants Esav to know that, despite all his wealth and success, he has not achieved a sense of permanence and stability. “Don’t be mad that I received blessings. I still have plenty to worry about. I am on the move, a resident of nowhere, and still seeking my final destination.” For us, Yaakov’s declaration is a reminder that nothing is ever “permanent.” As the Mishnah teaches in Pirkei Avot, “This world is a gateway to the next, which is the main event.”

Another explanation (see the Tur Ha-Aroch) understands the declaration as an expression of accomplishment. Yaakov is saying, “Don’t think that my working for Lavan has kept me down. I overcame everything he threw at me, and nothing – not even you, Esav – can stop me!” For us, Yaakov expresses the importance of being proud of what we accomplish. There may always be more to do but stop and smell the roses and appreciate each and every victory no matter how small or large. 

A third view breaks down the word ”garti” into its component letters – ג, ר, י, ת – and notes the gematriya (numerical values) is 613. Yaakov is telling Esav, “I spent years living among the wicked, but I still observed all 613 mitzvot. I have not been spiritually diminished by my time with Lavan. You cannot harm me because God will protect me.” Now, this interpretation opens up a whole can of worms. What mitzvot did Yaakov keep? Was Yaakov even Jewish? Even without fully exploring these issues, this approach conveys to us the value of observance. As Jews, we have responsibilities, and we should never let anything, anyone, or anywhere stop us from doing the best we possibly can.

Each of these explanations is an example of trying to make sure Esav understands that Yaakov is not to be trifled with. No matter how angry Esav is, watch out as Yaakov is ready, fortified by his experience with Lavan.

I think there is another way to look at Yaakov’s declaration. “Im Lavan garti,” I spent time with Lavan. After 22 years living in a strange place, different that what I was used to – and even hostile to my ideals and values, I can live with anyone – even you, Esav. Yaakov is the patriarch of confrontation and synthesis. In Kabbalah, Yaakov is described as Tiferet (splendor) because he represents the ability to take the best from all sides and shine brightly. It’s not “and” or “or;” it’s “with.” Yaakov confronts Lavan, Esav, a complicated family dynamic, exile, and more. He is hobbled by these confrontations, and, at the same time, transformed and elevated to new heights by them. This ability all started by his being able to “live with Lavan.”

We may not live with Lavan, but we all live with other people, ideas, situations, and so much more. Like Yaakov, it is our ability to live with that will strengthen us, persevere, succeed, and shine.