Feeling Darkness & Finding Light

 

It has been estimated that 11 percent of the U.S. population is afraid of the dark. This is even more common than a fear of heights.

“Darkness impairs our vision, quite literally, and this is inherently uncomfortable,” explains Dr. Alicia H. Clark, Psy.D. “We aren’t afraid so much of the dark as we are afraid of what is in the dark we can’t see.” When it’s dark, we are not sure of what is in front of us or when that darkness will lift to provide some clarity. It is the uncertainty which is frightening. “Uncertainty is a breeding ground for anxiety, and darkness is full of uncertainty,” says Krystal M. Lewis, a clinical psychologist at the National Institute of Mental Health.

I can relate.

A few years ago, I participated in one of the “Dark Workshops” held in the Na Laga’at Center in Jaffa Port. Participants sit in total darkness and, among other experiences, attempt art projects without being able to see at all. I couldn’t even see my hand right in front of my face. I started getting very anxious - literally, physically feeling as if there was a weight on me. It freaked me out a little.

Being in darkness is much more than the absence of light. We’ve seen this before: in plague of Choshech, Darkness.

“V’yameish choshech – A darkness you can feel.” (Shemot 10:21)

What kind of darkness was this? Rashi explains that this darkness was darker than dark. Picture the darkest night you can imagine, the plague was darker than that. He further explains that there was an emotional aspect to the plague of darkness. It was a “darkness of gloom.” The plague was very depressing. There was also a physical component. The subsequent verse states that the Egyptians could not get up. The darkness was so powerful that it kept people immobilized. Darkness, the inability to see what comes next, left the Egyptians so emotionally drained, they were unable to move. (This recalls the “Dementors” of Harry Potter fame, who sucked all the joy and happiness from one’s soul leaving behind a shell of a person.)

The darkness may have covered up something even “darker.” There is a Midrash that the darkness hid the deaths of those wicked Jews who did not believe in the possibility of redemption. They died and were buried under the cover of darkness so that the Egyptians wouldn’t know. (A more positive Midrashic explanation for the darkness is that it allowed the Jews to locate their Egyptian neighbors’ valuables so they could request them.)

No matter how you “look” at it, we can understand the adverse physical, emotional, and spiritual impact of “Darkness” and darkness. In particular, these last two years have provided us with an up-close and personal encounter with a darkness of isolation, separation, and, sometimes, feelings of desperation that have physically harmed us and kept us apart.

And yet…

“U’lechol Bnei Yisrael haya ohr b’moshvotam - Israelites enjoyed light in their dwellings.” (Shemot 10:23)

The plague of Darkness – as bad as it got – can be chased away with just a little light. The plague was, essentially, a punishment for the Egyptians. It was part of a ten-step process to discipline them for enslaving the Jewish nation. Like all the plagues, it was also a demonstration for the Bnei Yisrael then and us today of God’s role in our lives. There can – and will be – darkness. It may manifest itself as the absence of light, anxiety, depression, or worse. At the same time, the darkness makes way for the light that can be found in our dwellings. We may need to search harder and look a little closer, but it shines on.